Stop Telling Women to "Lean In": What the Research Actually Says About Confidence and Career Progression

For years, women have been told that confidence is the missing ingredient to career success. Speak up more. Be bolder. Lean in. We’ve all heard the script. 

But what if the problem isn’t a lack of confidence in women? What if it’s a system that doesn’t value it the same way? 

A recent study by economist Dr Leonora Risse dismantles the well-worn advice that women just need to back themselves more if they want to get ahead. And the findings are confronting, because they reveal a deeper truth about how workplaces reward and punish confidence differently, depending on your gender. 

As someone who offers 1:1 performance coaching for executives, business owners and female founders, I see this dynamic play out regularly. Women come to me not because they’re weak or broken, but because they’re navigating systems that weren’t designed with them in mind. 

This isn’t a motivational pep talk. It’s a call to rethink the story we’ve been sold about success and how we define, develop, and reward confidence in women. 

The Confidence Myth Unpacked 

Dr Risse’s research uses real-world data from over 7500 working Australians to examine the link between confidence and job promotion. Her team measured confidence using a validated psychological tool called Achievement Motivation, which includes two key traits: 

• Hope for success: a drive to take on challenging tasks and test one’s abilities 

• Fear of failure: a hesitancy or anxiety in the face of potential failure 

These aren’t throwaway traits. They’re backed by decades of research into what motivates high achievers. Hope for success reflects the willingness to seek challenge and embrace uncertainty. It’s the inner signal that says, “I can do this.” Meanwhile, fear of failure often signals internalised pressure to avoid risk, especially when high performance feels like a requirement, not a choice. 

Here’s what they found: 

Men with higher hope for success were more likely to be promoted. But for women, the same trait had no impact. 

In other words, confidence paid off for men but not for women. The old assumption that if women just believed in themselves more, they’d be promoted doesn’t hold up. In fact, it might be setting women up for failure. 

Why “Leaning In” Can Backfire 

The popular lean-in narrative assumes that confidence is both the problem and the solution. It frames women's career challenges as internal - mindset, self-belief, fear - rather than systemic. 

But the data says otherwise. Women who do show up confidently often face backlash. Assertiveness in women is still too often misread as aggression. Ambition is scrutinised. Self-promotion is judged. 

And this isn’t just anecdotal. Risse’s study points out that personality traits, when demonstrated by women, don’t always generate the same returns. The very behaviours that signal leadership potential in men are often viewed as too much in women. 

As a confidence coach for small business owners and female executives, I hear the same story on repeat: 
“I spoke up and was told I was too direct.” 
“I went for the promotion and was seen as overreaching.” 
“I know I can do the role, but I keep second-guessing myself because of how others perceive me.” 

The double bind is real. Be confident, but not too confident. Be visible, but not threatening. Lead, but don’t step on toes. 

It’s no wonder so many high-performing women find themselves stuck, burnt out, or quietly disengaged. 

So What Does Help Women Advance? 

Risse’s research points to other traits that are more predictive of career progression for both genders. Traits like: 

• Conscientiousness (organisation, reliability, diligence) 

• Extraversion (visibility, sociability) 

• Internal locus of control (a belief that you influence your own outcomes) 

What’s striking is that these aren’t traits typically held up in the public conversation around fixing women. They’re grounded in behavioural consistency, self-awareness, and how someone relates to others, not how loud or bold they are. 

Conscientiousness, for example, isn’t glamorous, but it’s gold. It signals to employers that you’re reliable, structured, and able to follow through. Extraversion helps in visible leadership roles, but it’s not just about being talkative. It’s about presence — the kind that energises and motivates others. 

Internal locus of control might be the quiet powerhouse. It reflects someone who takes ownership and drives outcomes, regardless of what’s going on around them. That’s the kind of leadership most organisations say they want, yet too often overlook. 

This is exactly the work I do with women through flow coaching for entrepreneurs and 1:1 executive mindset coaching. Together, we: 

• Strengthen internal drivers of performance (focus, clarity, calm) 

• Build habits that support consistent progress (not just confidence highs and lows) 

• Develop strategies for navigating bias, pressure, and perfectionism 

This approach doesn’t try to fix women. It helps them tap into their optimal state where confidence is a by-product, not a prerequisite. 

We Need to Redefine Confidence 

Confidence is not loud. It’s not performative. It’s not even always visible. 

Real confidence is built from: 

• Competence: knowing you can do the job 

• Self-awareness: knowing your strengths and limits 

• Emotional regulation: being calm and focused under pressure 

• Agency: taking aligned action, not reactive hustle 

In my work as a burnout recovery coach for leaders, I see how pushing for confidence without building these foundations leads to exhaustion. Confidence without regulation is just bravado. Confidence without self-awareness is a trap. 

And when you’re constantly managing the tension between how you feel and how you’re perceived, that’s not empowerment. That’s emotional labour. 

What Needs to Shift: A Message to Organisations 

 If you’re leading a business and want more women in leadership, stop telling them to be more confident. 

Instead, ask: 

• Are we recognising the leadership behaviours women already show? 

• Are our promotion criteria rewarding visibility or real impact? 

• Are we creating psychological safety for women to lead in their own way? 

Risse’s study makes one thing clear. Promoting the most visibly confident people is not the same as promoting the most capable. And when organisations conflate the two, they not only disadvantage women, they compromise their own performance. 

The irony is this. By pushing confidence as a fix-all, we risk reinforcing exactly the kind of performative culture that undermines real, sustainable leadership. The goal isn’t to get everyone to speak louder. It’s to build workplaces that listen differently. 

Final Thoughts: Confidence Isn’t the Goal 

Flow Is. 

Confidence will always ebb and flow. What matters more is your ability to show up with clarity, purpose, and presence, even when self-doubt is whispering in your ear. 

That’s the sweet spot I help my clients find. Whether you’re an executive seeking clarity, a founder navigating overwhelm, or a team leader trying to reclaim focus, I support you in finding your optimal state. 

Because when you're in flow, performance becomes natural. Fulfilment becomes sustainable. And success? It stops being a grind.