The hidden reason so many professional women feel burnt out

“I take on most of the work around the house to make things run smoothly. Most of the
housework and kids’ stuff falls to me. It just doesn’t occur to him to organise things. I
carry around in my head the present for the kids’ birthday on Saturday, what we’re eating
for dinner, and where we’re going to stay on our next holiday. He works hard, but then
again, so do I. And I know if I left it to him, it wouldn’t get done properly, and I’d feel guilty
for not contributing.”
- Senior Female Leader in the energy sector

This is what one of my coaching clients said to me recently. But I could have pulled it
from many the coaching sessions I’ve had this year.
It got me wondering, maybe this is a hidden reason behind why so many professional
women feel burnt out.

The invisible load causing burnout in professional women

High-achieving women are balancing more than demanding careers. They’re running
two full-time jobs, one paid and one invisible.

They’re leading teams, solving problems, and delivering outcomes all day. Then they
come home and run the operations of family life, remembering birthdays, groceries,
playdates and the cupcakes for Grandparent’s Day at school. The world sees I high
achieving women who is keeping all the plates spinning. What it doesn’t see is the
mental spreadsheet running on replay in her head, all day, every day.

And it’s exhausting.

What research says about the mental load

Research confirms what many women already know. The Australian Bureau of Statistics
Time Use Survey shows that although more women than ever are employed, they still
carry the majority of unpaid domestic work. It is a hidden factor I see contributing to
burnout in professional women.

The 2024 HILDA Survey goes further. Around 63% of women with children said they did
more than their fair share of housework. Meanwhile, 56% of men with children believed
they already did an equal share, and only about 17% thought they did more.

As Dr Inga Lass from the Melbourne Institute explained in her reflections on the HILDA
Survey, “In the same couple, women feel overly burdened while men think they’re doing
enough.”

It’s a pattern that doesn’t correct itself. It needs to be renegotiated.

How the invisible load impacts energy and performance

From a human performance perspective, the invisible load is not just an issue of
fairness. It’s a cognitive one.

Every mental task, planning, remembering, anticipating, consumes bandwidth. When
that bandwidth is constantly occupied by invisible labour, the brain never fully rests. We
stay in a low-level state of vigilance, which blocks recovery and focus.

In neuroscience terms, this is chronic cognitive load, the science behind the invisible
load and why burnout hits women harder. In real life, it’s that feeling of lying in bed with
your body exhausted but your brain still whirring.

You can’t enter flow when your mind is juggling a to-do list that never ends. It’s like trying
to run a marathon while carrying an invisible backpack and wondering why you’re so
tired.

Why we keep doing it

This isn’t just about external expectations; it’s also about the internal beliefs women
carry. Perfectionism, guilt, and the quiet need for control all play their part. There’s often
a sense that it’s just easier to do everything ourselves.

Through the lens of Immunity to Change a framework developed by Harvard
psychologists Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey, many women I coach discover they’re
holding two competing commitments: the desire to rest and recharge, and the need to
stay in control. Beneath those sit powerful, unspoken assumptions, If I let go, things will
fall apart. If I rest, I’m being lazy. If it’s not done my way, it won’t be right.

These beliefs make sense. They’ve helped you become capable, reliable, and
respected. But over time, the same mindset that drives your success can keep you
trapped in over functioning, even when you know it’s unsustainable.

What you can do about it

Burnout recovery isn’t a bubble bath or a massage. It’s about redistributing the load,
practically, mentally, and emotionally, between you and your partner.

Here are five practical ways to start evening the load at home:

1. Identify the ways you’re carrying the load.
Make it visible. Write down everything that lives on your to-do list and in your head, the
errands, reminders, family logistics, meal planning, emotional check-ins. Awareness is
the first intervention. Once you see it all in front of you, you can start to make conscious
choices instead of automatic ones.

2. Challenge the patterns and beliefs that keep you stuck.
Many women I coach want things to change but find themselves falling back into the
same habits. It’s not their fault. We all have hidden patterns and beliefs that drive
behaviour beyond conscious awareness. The good news is that those patterns can be
surfaced and shifted. Through my Immunity to Change coaching, I help clients uncover
what’s really holding them back, so real change becomes possible.

Book a Discovery Call to explore how this process can help you break old patterns and
lighten your mental load.

3. Have an honest conversation with your partner.
Research shows many men believe they’re contributing equally. Often, the mismatch
lies in perception, not intent. Bring it into the open. Share what you’ve noticed and how
it impacts you, without blame or accusation. Keep it as a shared exploration of what’s
working and what isn’t. The awareness and insight from steps one and two will give you
the clarity to communicate effectively.

4. Renegotiate and outsource.
Work together to list every recurring task, domestic and emotional, and decide who
owns what. Then look at what can be outsourced or automated. Many women resist
hiring help, but outsourcing cleaning, admin, or meal prep can free up hours each week
for recovery, creativity, or time together.

5. Check in regularly.
Make it a rhythm, not a one-off. Schedule a regular review, or better yet, make it part of a
monthly date night. Ask, What’s working? What’s not? What do we need to tweak? How
are we both feeling? Doing this on a regular basis will add up to significant
improvements over time.

From awareness to action

You’re not burnt out because there is something wrong with you. You’re burnt out
because you have been carrying what no one else sees.

It is time to stop confusing over functioning with high achievement. Sustainable high
performance, at work and at home, is about creating the conditions for you to be at your
best, not stretch you past your limits.

When you start shifting the invisible load, you reclaim energy, focus, and space to lead
from clarity rather than exhaustion.

If you are ready to find that balance, explore Flow Coaching for Women in Corporate
or Flow Coaching for Women Business Owners. These evidence-based coaching
programs are designed to help high-achieving women redefine success on their terms
at work and in life.